Well, if you haven’t heard about this yet you can read about it here.  Essentially, it’s about brides-to-be who choose to lose weight by having 800 calories a day dripped into their stomach through a feeding tube that has been pushed down their nose.  I still can’t believe that the sentence I just wrote is fact.

A lot of times, I look around at this world around me and think, “How can this be real?”  How on earth do we come to this point?  I don’t have all the causal answers for you.  I’m sure there’s a plethora of causes, and this is just one of the sad residues of a semi-insane society.  Regardless, in order to take my focus away from “what is” and the near-despondency that comes from stories like these, here’s an analysis of why this is stupid.


1.  Weight loss is almost entirely a function of calories in vs. calories out.  Why does the feeding tube diet work?  Because it only allows you to “eat” 800 calories.  There’s nothing special about the sludge they put into those tubes.  It comes down to biochemistry and the concept of energy balance.  If you eat more calories than you use, you gain weight.  If you use more calories than you eat, you lose weight.  So, since these women probably went from a diet of around 2,000 calories (which is about average for a woman) to 800, they’re going to lose weight.  That’s it.  That’s the end of the ::face-palm:: story.


2.  What’s the end result?  Well, are you a short-term person or a long-term person?  For these women, all they see is the fact that they lost ten pounds in ten days.  All is well now, right?  You can go copulate with your husband in a slightly slimmer body.  Unfortunately, your body is now starving and will dedicate any extra calories you eat to weight gain because its goal is survival.

The long-term result?  Read this:  Can You Be Skinny AND Fat?  The cliff notes are that during drastic weight-loss attempts like this, your body will lose half fat mass and half muscle mass.  Also, the body will bounce back to its original weight after drastic calorie restriction.  The long-term result (Ironically, this “long-term” is probably only about a month) will be that you will be back at the same weight you started at.  However, since half of your original weight loss was muscle, you’ve lost five pounds of muscle mass.  You’re the same weight with five more pounds of fat.  Oh, and your metabolism is now 250 calories lower.  Better steer clear of eating those two slices of bread you ate a month ago.  Your body can no longer burn it, and you’ll gain fat.


3.  I think that every day I lose a little more respect for the doctors in this country.  Or maybe it’s marketing companies.  I don’t know who to blame.  All I know is that some of the people who should be our most trustworthy allies in pursuing health are actually some of our most insidious enemies.

I don’t think that doctors are fully ignorant.  I mean, they made it through Med School.  That takes a lot of intelligence and hard work.  So, my probing mind is confronted with the question, “How can doctors support stupid stuff like this?”

I think there are two main reasons they do these things.  First, they are formally uneducated in exercise science and nutrition.  They don’t have to take classes in these areas, so they really don’t have any more formal education in the topic than you do.  This doctor should learn to stay within his area of expertise.  Secondly, there’s a lot of money in this field.  $1,500 in ten days is pretty sweet.  Line up 100 women who will allow you to shove tubes down their noses with the promise of looking beautiful on their wedding day, and you’ve scammed your way to a $150,000 increase in your bank account.

That really tickles my gag reflex.


4.  Lastly, I wonder what on earth is up with these little limp-wristed husbands that would support their future wives in doing this.  I would especially like to slap any guy who encouraged it.

I’m no relationship counselor or psychology major.  I acknowledge that.  However, I think it’s fairly straight-forward that if a guy is pushing you to do something this drastic to lose weight for your wedding, you should dump that sack of reeking fecal matter.  He’s not worth your time.  Your future life is going to be terrible if he’s that shallow.  Move on.  You’re better than that.

All in all, this really irritates me.  It’s an absolutely worthless procedure that is ill-advised on every level and will just make you fatter in a month anyway.  If you really want to lose weight, you’re going to have to go through the straight and narrow road of exercise and good nutrition.  It’s really not that hard.  You just have to lift weights three times a week for around 30 minutes, walk/jog/run three times a week for around thirty minutes, and focus on eating fruits and veggies.

Weight loss can be hard with a bunch of idiots proudly proclaiming that which they know nothing about, but a feeding-tube crash diet is not the answer.

Really, if you need help in this area, please e-mail us (tlbflowllc@gmail.com).  My wife and I would be more than happy to walk you through whatever questions you have.